My Out-of-Body Experience Getting a H.I.S.S. HasLab

By Destro Designs and Viper Den Studios

There are a lot of people who dislike HasLab’s for a few reasons that I actually understand: the price point, the upfront cash, the year-long wait, and the exclusive, snooty feeling of elitism.

I get it. Truly, I do.

But… they’re so motherf***ing awesome. Just totally awesome.

When I started collecting Classifieds in 2024, it was only the H.I.S.S. and Dragonfly. No-brainer which one I wanted. It was running around $500–$600 on Etsy, and I thought, “Eh, I’ll just get some Gridiron stuff.” And I did. I spent so much on figures and some Gridiron drones. But the hole was still there. I wasn’t fulfilled.

I knew I needed the H.I.S.S.

But it wasn’t just the H.I.S.S. There was a three-man Fire Team, the HMS with H.I.S.S. Techno-Viper, and they all had the special deco and similar box art of the H.I.S.S. HasLab—which, in my opinion, is the coolest f***ing card art I’ve ever seen. Destro, the Baroness, and Cobra Commander looking regal as hell, with the driver walking out in front… it’s the most amazing box I’ve ever seen.

So my hunt began for a H.I.S.S…

I didn’t want to buy off eBay because it was a lot to trust a service I barely used, and I didn’t want to deal with the disappointment of missing pieces or getting screwed altogether. So I turned to Facebook Marketplace.

After about two weeks, I finally saw a gentleman about an hour away who had a sealed H.I.S.S. for $550.00. I reached out. The guy was very cool, and I put the full Destro charm on to let him know that I was a collector and not trying to resell, and that the best deal he could offer would be greatly appreciated. I offered $450, which at the time was all I could put together in cash.

He didn’t respond at first, and I was panicking.

I found an additional $25 and reached out again. Finally, I heard back.

He said $450 would be fine, but $475 would be better—and he would drive almost all the way to me.

Done deal.

I asked, “Does it have all of the tiered figures and extras?” His response was to send me the Hasbro stock image. Hmm.

He then added, “It only came with one figure from Hasbro, but it was sealed, and I only opened the shipper to verify contents.”

I said once again, “Done deal.” I assumed the gentleman just didn’t know what he had. He was flipping it.

We agreed to meet the next day, and I rearranged my schedule to get out there.

I was abuzz from the minute he agreed to meet. Driving there, I felt like I was 20 again—half drunk and high off the adrenaline of heading to a metal show with my motley crew of friends. The truck didn’t need gas—I was the fuel.

Members of the community told me to be careful carrying all that cash, and since I had just met these online brothers, it was a good opportunity to let them know, like Walter White: I am the danger.

I pulled into a McDonald’s parking lot. As I stepped out of the truck, the sun felt warm on my face, and I felt like I was walking into heaven between the pearly gates. I was levitating.

The man popped his trunk, and there it was—in the shipper.

He said, “Do you want to open it?”

“Nope,” I said, as I peeled the shipper open just enough to verify the contents. I noticed the shipping label was still on it with his address.

He said, “Are you sure?”

I pointed to the label and said, “I know where to find you,” with a wink. He smiled nervously, so I laughed and told him I was only half kidding.

Then, as I do, I talked his ear off for 45 minutes until I could tell he’d had enough, and I departed in the Despoiler—higher than a cat’s back.

I was on the Taconic Parkway heading home and just staring at the box. I wanted to open it—to be sure the figures were in there, to see the glorious majesty of this iconic Cobra vehicle in its ultimate form.

Then I spotted a pull-off rest area.

I whipped the Despoiler across a lane of traffic and squealed the tires pulling into a spot. I hopped out, ran around, and pulled the box out right there on the ground. A family was watching me nervously.

“What the f*** is that guy doing?” I heard someone say.

“Trying to live, brother. Now mind your business,” I snapped.

I was at full fever pitch.

When the box slipped out of the shipper, I saw the box art for the first time in its full glory, and I could feel the chemicals in my brain firing down my spine, making the hairs on my arms and neck stand up.

“This is like drugs,” I said out loud.

The family was now ushering their kids into the car.

The box opened, revealing a massive Cobra symbol, and I was certain I was glowing like a nuclear fuel rod from Chernobyl. There were the three H.I.S.S. figures and the HasLab Cobra Commander.

The guy truly didn’t know what he had.

But I did.

I opened it further, saw the main body, and realized I couldn’t properly appreciate it there. I needed to get it home.

That detour quenched my curiosity, and I was back on the road.

When I got home, I hastily put it together. When I hit the lights for the first time, I was once again radiating like nuclear fuel. I couldn’t believe how amazing it was.

As a kid, I always wanted the original H.I.S.S. to have an open back for troops. I even tried to modify one—unsuccessfully. So when I dropped that rear door and the interior lit up… that was it. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust and burn my shop down.

I opened the figures and set everything up. I had already picked up the 788 Fire Team and 788 HMS with Techno-Viper.

I stepped back.

I have never thought anything was as cool as what was in front of me.

And I was right. I still am.

The combination of the HasLab, its figures, the Fire Team, and the missile system is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Collectively, it’s the best Hasbro has ever offered.

When I got my studio set up, it was the first and only thing displayed. Every time I went down there, I could just gaze at it in all its glory.

Truly amazing.

Now, the Dragonfly had come out, and the campaign for the Rattler started two weeks after I got the H.I.S.S. I couldn’t afford the Rattler, despite knowing how incredible it would be.

And it stayed that way…

Until a truly thoughtful and incredibly generous friend—a man I’m proud to call my brother—stepped in.

@CuratorDanCollects on YouTube and Twitter first sent me a figureless Rattler, which was already amazing. Then he found me the Baroness and Wild Weasel for an unheard-of price. Boom—I grabbed a gunner off eBay, and I had a complete Rattler.

And today, I received a complete, sealed Dragonfly from Dan, completing my HasLab collection.

I’ll keep the details between Dan and me, but just know this: if Dan hadn’t been so generous and selfless, I wouldn’t have anything beyond the H.I.S.S.

I’m sharing this not just to give him credit, but to inspire someone else to do something selfless for someone.

And hearing him genuinely excited for me told me everything I needed to know about him.

This is a solid man—one I wish lived closer.

Dan represents the best of us in this Joe community that I’m so proud of.

Thanks again, Dan—my brother.

I’ll talk more about the other HasLabs another time. But for now, I just want to say thank you to Dan for his generosity and thoughtfulness—and to Adam from Serpentor’s Lair for giving me the platform to share this.

I appreciate you all.